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9/30/2024 0 Comments When Birth Didn't Go to PlanOur Online Meet-Up for January 2023 focused on the topic 'When Birth Doesn't Go to Plan.' This follow up blog post provides a glimpse into topics we might coverin our online sessions & some information signposting on birth trauma and birth resolution and support available. Plans can go differently on the day if you stilll feel good that's okay. But if something happens in your pregnancy, labour, birth or postnatal experience that leaves you feeling sad, angry, shaken, anxious or any number of other feelings you're not alone. When we plan for birth there are lots of things we can control and be prepared for but there are also things that are out of our control, that we must deal with the best we can at the time. It might be something dramatic like a crash caesarean or a baby who needs medical support when they are born. Perhaps, it might be something that seems very small from other people's point of view but actually has a huge impact on us; such as the way someone speaks to you or how they make you feel about yourself at a vulnerable point in your life. Often when we talk about these things we will find people dismiss our feelings, generally with the well-intentioned specific but really unhelpful observations that your baby is here, or that a certain outcome was meant to be and there's always a next time.... and that you're fine now you should get over it. What would be a better response? We can't go back and change anything that happened in the past but we can listen and validate how you felt then, and how you feel now. We can provide some information and support for moving on from this point. We can offer respect and support for the fact that getting over it is not that simple and sometimes further action and support are needed before you can even think about feeling differently in the future. 
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 It's normal to worry if you have enough milk for your baby. Establishing and maintaining a good supply of milk is one of the top worries that many new parents have about breast/chestfeeding. Our society and the prevalence of formula advertising have made us think that this is a very common problem but it's really quite unusual to not be able to make enough milk with the right supportive atmosphere. What is common is to doubt yourself and feel worried and that supportive atmosphere is often a vital component to gaining confidence. Poor feeding support can actually cause a milk supply problem so finding support from people with a specific lactation qualification is very important.
8/17/2024 0 Comments Confident Birthing ChoicesWhen we first wrote this blog post it was the start of the corona virus pandemic. That was a time when lots of things changed very fast and we often didn't know from week to week what would be on offer in terms of healthcare for labour and birth. Since then we've been told that everything has returned to normal. But in our experience, we've not returned to the way things used to be, there's still a lot more uncertainty and last-minute changes than used to be usual. From what we can work out this is mainly due to staff availability in maternity and ambulance services. It's generally not an issue for anyone planning to birth in the labour ward. However, those planning a home birth or to birth in the stand-alone birthing centres are still being warned there is always the possibility they will be asked to come into the labour ward (or sometimes to the alongside birthing centre) on the day. For anyone having an induction of labour, this can also affect how long they will need to wait between being advised to have their labour induced and when they are invited into the hospital to start that process as well as how long that process may take.
So thinking about what is inside and outside your control when you're making a birth plan remains a good way of planning. 8/17/2024 0 Comments Normal Newborn SleepAre you sleeping like a baby?  There are several phrases we would like to see banned and one is “sleeping like a baby”. The idea that babies should be seen and not heard, that they should have a feed and then sleep peacefully in a cot for a significant period of time has no basis in actual baby physiology and has so much potential to make new parents feel like they are failing. The real-life situation is that everything in the world is new to a baby and all they have ever known is to be perfectly happy in the warm darkness listening to your heartbeat. So if your baby wants to only sleep on you and never be put down, congratulations they are normal. If you have one of those unicorn babies who does like to sleep also congratulations please enjoy your rest. First find some calm
What is induction of labour? Induction of labour is any process that exerts external influence to try and start the body's process of labour and birth. This may include anything you try to do yourself such as having sex or eating curry and anything you have done by a holistic practitioner such as a chiropractor, acupuncturist or reflexologist to help your body do what you want it to do.
It also includes the 'stretch and sweep' or 'membrane sweep' procedure which involves your care provider inserting their (gloved) finger into your cervix and separating the membranes holding your waters away from the cervix with a circular sweeping motion. This is not always recognised as part of the induction of labour process but it is an intervention with the object of starting labour off. As with any intervention your care provider needs to make sure you're making an informed decision on whether or not to accept that intervention. So, they will be very happy to help you go through the benefits, risks and alternatives with you and to let you know what will happen if you do nothing. You can ask as many questions as you need and think through what your instincts are at the time before making your decision. This way of thinking through your choices is very useful and you will notice we frequently reference it. We remember it with the acronym BRAIN (benefits, risks, alternatives, instincts, nothing). 1. In (almost) all health situations you alone have the right to make decisions about your own health care. The only exceptions are
7/8/2024 0 Comments Normal Newborn Feeding We need support to feed our babies not "breastfeeding promotion" Maybe the most common question you will have been asked in your antenatal appointments is how are you planning to feed your baby? The most common advice is likely to have been you “should” breast/chest feed. So many parents find the flip side of this is once the baby is born if they have any experience other than a perfectly latching and growing baby with no effort the advice changes to perhaps you “should” just give them a bottle. This situation leads to so many parents feeling they have failed and feeling guilty. This is the difference between breastfeeding promotion and baby feeding support. So let's be really honest. Establishing breast/chest feeding is probably more often than not an intense experience where challenges have to be faced and worked through. It is completely normal to need support with feeding your baby. Am I making enough milk? Should my nipples be this painful? The most common concerns that new parents have are making sure their baby is getting enough milk and having comfortable nipples.
Having realistic expectations can really help you with feeling confident that your baby is getting enough milk. Knowing your baby will need to feed AT LEAST 8-10 times in 24 hours can help but experiencing that may still feel overwhelming. Most babies don’t feed at exactly regular intervals. Eight times in 24 hours would be once every three hours but more likely there will be times when your baby sleeps for 4 hours and times when they want to feed again 10 minutes after the last time they fed. It’s very common for there to be a time of day, often early evening, when your baby feeds constantly on and off for a couple of hours or so, this is called cluster feeding. It’s also important to remember that feeding can be for lots of reasons not just for hunger, sometimes it’s for comfort or pain relief or connection. A taste of our online meet-ups. Everyone's experience and opinion is valid. When we set our topics for our meet-ups we try to find topics that will be interesting to a wide variety of people. Often we talk about perinatal mental health and we sometimes find people aren't sure if that applies to them. Even people who have struggled with feeling anxious or low mood while pregnant or parenting can be given the impression by society and the healthcare system that they should just get on with it and not moan because other people have it worse. So for future reference, if you see mental health on our topic list and wonder, yes this is for you. Another important note when we're talking about perinatal emotional and mental health we're not just talking about mums and birthing people. Partners, dads, all parents can struggle during the year or more around having a baby and all of the same things about reaching out for and providing your self with support apply to all of us. Peer support matters.  Hopefully, the tide is turning and we're getting the message out to more people that we all deserve love and support and we don't need to reach a level of not coping to reach out for that support. Our meet-ups (and other groups that connect you with people who are pregnant at the same time or have a similar age baby) are one of the things that fill the gap between trying to struggle through alone feeling overwhelmed and being really unwell and needing medical care for mental illness. Never underestimate the importance of connection with other people (especially people at a similar life stage to you) for positive mental and emotional well-being.
One of the things that many of the people at our recent online meet-up (where we covered this topic) identified with was that they don't always know how to put into words how or why they feel anxious, overwhelmed or sad but when other people talk about how they feel they can recognise that in themselves. Just knowing they are not alone helps many people to feel a little better. Our favourite part of talking about mental and emotional wellness is everyone sharing the things that help them to develop healthy coping mechanisms in the long term and the things that help them pull through the tough moments. Birth is just the start. This post is about planning for your birth and beyond in the context of planning for the fact that birth is just the start of the rest of your life. It's a bit like a post on planning your wedding that is mostly about planning for your marriage. Your birth and parenting experience is a journey into the great, exciting, unknown. You can't control everything, some things will happen that you're not expecting but you can give yourself the gift of support and knowledge that allows you to not just survive but thrive.
There's a saying: "It takes a village to raise a child" and that used to be naturally built into our daily lives. But modern-day parents are increasingly finding themselves coming into parenting with the expectation that it's all on them. We see parenting reflected in the media and on social media as something done inside a small nuclear family. We get the impression that we're expected to be able to meet all our children's needs by ourselves and even, if we're doing it "right", to find that experience blissful and fulfilling. 6/20/2024 0 Comments Your Feelings Matter It's okay to feel however you feel about your pregnancy, birth and postnatal experiences. Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone had all the support they needed through their pregnancy, birth and postnatal experiences? Then everyone would feel positive and proud and no one would get the message having a baby is something to fear. But the reality is things often don't go to plan and many people don't experience good support, they can be left feeling sad, angry guilty all sorts of valid feelings.
Our groups are here for people who have had many different life and birth experiences and we want to make sure everyone feels welcome in our groups. We're positive about birth and supporting people to have the information they need to prepare for birth. But we're also here to support people who don't feel positive about birth for any reason. Birth is unpredictable, many things are out of our control. Sometimes, however much planning you've done, things happen during your labour and birth which are scary, upsetting or disappointing. You may find that when you express these feelings people react by telling you not to worry about it because you have a healthy baby and that's what matters. Of course, we all care about our baby's health but you are important too and it's okay to need support to process your feelings and memories. In fact, it might even be vital to your mental health to have that support. We really want you to know that you can recover from traumatic birth experiences and to help you access the way that feels best for you to do that. This blog doesn't have all the answers but it has some links and ideas and we're always happy to chat through your individual experiences and help you find what you're looking for. |
AuthorPosts by team members who are doulas, antenatal teachers, placenta specialists and birth nerds among other things. Archives
September 2024
CategoriesAll Birth Birth Plan Mental Health Peer Support Postnatal Postnatal Plan |
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